hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
