why didn't you poke me back
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
