How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
