I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
