all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize