11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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