you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
