i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
