When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
two words...techno handjob
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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