so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
