That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize