Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I cannot find my penis.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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