i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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