By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
