Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
