The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My life is pants optional.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize