i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
