First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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