who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
