i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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