my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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