I can text with my tongue
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
