There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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