i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
