Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
