please come you make the beer taste better
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
