he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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