I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
