Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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