The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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