Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
