Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
