i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
