I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
