Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
