New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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