I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
