When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
