Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
