we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
