my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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