her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
