who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
