There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
