Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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