Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
