I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
