Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
