Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize