Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
