I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
