Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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