Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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