i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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