she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
