Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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