Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
