perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
