sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
