I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you remember whose house we're in?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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