D3 body, D1 cock
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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