You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
