just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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