I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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