ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
