I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
