I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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